1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:02,008 --> 00:00:05,001 Hello. 3 00:00:05,002 --> 00:00:07,006 Testing. Is it heard? 4 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 5 00:00:08,001 --> 00:00:11,001 Well, recording. 6 00:00:11,001 --> 00:00:14,008 This is the first day of the video diary for Gaby's vacatioin. 7 00:00:14,008 --> 00:00:16,003 That is, me. 8 00:00:16,003 --> 00:00:21,007 We're in RS's summer house. We arrived about half an hour ago. 9 00:00:21,007 --> 00:00:27,002 We're unpacking and are about to go to a beach that is about an hour from here. 10 00:00:27,007 --> 00:00:33,004 Fabio, that guy right there, insists that the beach is awesome. 11 00:00:33,005 --> 00:00:37,009 That it is so so awesome that it's secret. 12 00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:41,004 Because he went to a beach festival about three years ago 13 00:00:41,004 --> 00:00:45,009 And he told us that it's the best beach festival that ever existed in Puerto Rico. 14 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,006 Fabio! Fabio! Fabio! 15 00:00:50,007 --> 00:00:53,000 Fabio... 16 00:00:57,001 --> 00:01:01,003 Supposedly the festival is held around this time. 17 00:01:01,003 --> 00:01:03,005 But we haven't heard anything. 18 00:01:03,005 --> 00:01:09,005 What we're going to do is go there without a plan, as always, and see what happens. 19 00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:13,009 I have my own plans this summer. 20 00:01:14,006 --> 00:01:18,005 I plan on meeting the most beautiful woman in the world. 21 00:01:18,005 --> 00:01:25,004 She is spontaneous, delicate, professional and super sexy. 22 00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:28,008 I love her. 23 00:01:28,009 --> 00:01:32,005 And she will be the protagonist in all of my movies. 24 00:01:32,005 --> 00:01:34,009 But that's for later. 25 00:01:34,009 --> 00:01:39,005 For now we're gonna go hang in Playa Roja. 26 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,000 Hey, Gaby, record this. 27 00:01:47,005 --> 00:01:49,007 Vulgar. 28 00:01:50,001 --> 00:01:51,007 That was Chicho. 29 00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:53,008 I was forgetting to introduce my friends. 30 00:01:55,005 --> 00:01:57,002 I'll start with Fabio. 31 00:01:57,002 --> 00:01:59,001 Fabio's the weird one. 32 00:01:59,001 --> 00:02:01,002 We call him the philosopher. 33 00:02:01,002 --> 00:02:05,003 He smokes way too much weed so he's always high. 34 00:02:05,003 --> 00:02:07,007 But he's a really smart guy. 35 00:02:07,007 --> 00:02:09,007 We have RS. 36 00:02:09,008 --> 00:02:11,006 RS is the one with the money. 37 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,009 The one with the ladies. 38 00:02:12,009 --> 00:02:14,002 And the one with the house. 39 00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:17,003 Women drool over him. 40 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,002 Maybe it's because of the money. 41 00:02:19,002 --> 00:02:21,002 And Chicho. 42 00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:23,004 Him I can describe with three words... 43 00:02:23,006 --> 00:02:26,004 Fat. Vulgar. And sick. 44 00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:30,004 But, those are my friends. For now, over and out. 45 00:02:30,009 --> 00:02:32,009 Over and out? 46 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,002 What kind of bullshit is that? 47 00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:48,004 Let's go have a hardcore hang out! 48 00:02:53,002 --> 00:02:55,000 Dude, I'm bored. 49 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,008 We should have gone to Jobos. 50 00:02:57,008 --> 00:03:00,001 This was your idea, dumbass. 51 00:03:01,003 --> 00:03:04,004 Damn, man, my nipples are burning. 52 00:03:04,004 --> 00:03:06,008 You mean your boobs? 53 00:03:07,002 --> 00:03:09,008 Hand over the sunblock. 54 00:03:14,008 --> 00:03:23,006 Well, my friends since there's nothing to do I will procede to take out the wasasa. 55 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,006 What are you doing? 56 00:03:35,001 --> 00:03:37,000 Meditating. 57 00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:39,001 Meditating? 58 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,006 That's why people think you're gay. 59 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,000 Gaby isn't gay, he's shy. 60 00:03:45,003 --> 00:03:51,009 A pussy. And if you don't score this summer we're gonna upgrade you to gay. Confirmed! 61 00:03:52,002 --> 00:03:56,000 I don't have to prove anything to anyone. 62 00:03:56,005 --> 00:04:01,008 I am in love and I am sure of what I am. 63 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:06,007 And for your information I am saving myself. 64 00:04:11,006 --> 00:04:13,008 You see this? 65 00:04:14,005 --> 00:04:20,005 This is a temple and it will be desecrated by the perfect woman. 66 00:04:21,002 --> 00:04:23,007 Amanda! 67 00:04:24,003 --> 00:04:27,002 I love you Amanda! 68 00:04:27,002 --> 00:04:29,000 Who? 69 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,001 Amanda. 70 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,008 That's a beautiful name. 71 00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:37,004 Who the fuck is Amanda? 72 00:04:43,003 --> 00:04:46,004 A bit more hair. Okay. Good. 73 00:04:50,001 --> 00:04:53,000 Very good. That's all Amanda. Thank you. 74 00:04:53,006 --> 00:04:56,000 -Thank you -Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! 75 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,007 Oh, Dalesio, I need a dress for tonight. 76 00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:03,009 -Tonight is Lucio Capellys's party and I need to look gorgeous. -You always look gorgeous, honey. 77 00:05:03,009 --> 00:05:04,007 I know. 78 00:05:04,007 --> 00:05:08,007 Where do you think I should go? I want it to be exclusive. I don't want to see anyone else there with my dress. 79 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:12,000 Let's go to Carlianny. He called me yesterday to go see his new line. 80 00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:14,005 Surely there could be something that would help you stand out. 81 00:05:14,006 --> 00:05:16,008 I always stand out. What's the matter with you? 82 00:05:16,009 --> 00:05:20,002 -Go get the car for me, please. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. -Sure, sure. 83 00:05:20,002 --> 00:05:25,005 -Take Horacio. I'll give you a call when I'm downstairs. -Very well but hurry up because I am exhausted. 84 00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:51,001 I don't know why people say that Schaefer tastes bad. I remember it was really popular back in the day. 85 00:06:51,006 --> 00:06:56,009 If you drink Schaefer you fuck your dad. I prefer Blue Label. 86 00:06:57,004 --> 00:07:00,004 "I prefer Blue Label." 87 00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:03,004 Because you have money, dude! The Heir! 88 00:07:03,007 --> 00:07:04,008 What was that? 89 00:07:04,009 --> 00:07:10,000 Look, I love you man but you know you're only drinking Blue Label because you have a horse. 90 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:14,009 And like you say "if you don't have a horse you're riding your mother." 91 00:07:15,004 --> 00:07:19,003 -I drink Blue Label because it tastes good. -Of course that shit tastes good! 92 00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:24,004 When you order that in a bar a waiter appears and bows his head and everything when he hands it over! 93 00:07:24,004 --> 00:07:26,004 Shit's expensive as fuck! 94 00:07:26,004 --> 00:07:28,004 It's just a fine liqueur. 95 00:07:28,004 --> 00:07:31,002 You better have a life plan, my friend. 96 00:07:31,003 --> 00:07:35,001 Because if you want to keep paying for those Blue Labels you're always drinking... 97 00:07:35,001 --> 00:07:38,004 you're gonna have to feed the horse and show the money. 98 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,004 I have a life plan. I know my family isn't going to support me forever. 99 00:07:42,009 --> 00:07:45,009 Oh, yeah? What's your plan? 100 00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:49,008 I'm gonna marry a rich cougar. 101 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:55,007 These girlies don't motivate me anymore. Now I'm interested in cougars with money 102 00:07:56,007 --> 00:08:00,006 and kinky habits. I'm gonna be like my Uncle John. 103 00:08:01,006 --> 00:08:04,003 I have a life plan too. 104 00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:07,005 Coke crops are illegal in Puerto Rico. 105 00:08:07,006 --> 00:08:10,007 It's not about that, my dear circular friend. 106 00:08:10,007 --> 00:08:14,006 Have you guys ever heard of the sale of future shares? 107 00:08:14,008 --> 00:08:16,005 Future shares? 108 00:08:16,006 --> 00:08:20,006 The same business that turned the executives of Enron into millionares. 109 00:08:20,008 --> 00:08:26,004 You sell your company's shares now convincing your clients they'll be worth more in the future. 110 00:08:26,008 --> 00:08:29,002 It's selling dreams like you guys say... 111 00:08:29,002 --> 00:08:33,001 but invented by the smartest bunch of guys in the world. 112 00:08:33,004 --> 00:08:36,004 Weren't those guys prosecuted in 2006 for doing just that? 113 00:08:36,005 --> 00:08:39,005 Yeah. But that was because they got caught. 114 00:08:39,006 --> 00:08:42,006 And what makes you think you won't get caught? 115 00:08:42,006 --> 00:08:44,002 Easy. 116 00:08:45,001 --> 00:08:49,000 I stop before they catch me. 117 00:08:53,007 --> 00:08:57,002 "I stop before they catch me." 118 00:08:59,004 --> 00:09:01,006 That's like... 119 00:09:01,006 --> 00:09:04,006 Getting it on with your neighbor's wife... 120 00:09:04,006 --> 00:09:07,006 and before you can get caught you stop. 121 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,000 Dude, you're a genius. 122 00:09:14,005 --> 00:09:17,006 -I'll toast to that! -Cheers! 123 00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:21,007 You stop before they-- duh! Of course! 124 00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:55,009 -Hello, Amanda. I am a big fan of yours! -Really? Thank you. Where are you from? 125 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,005 From Cayey. 126 00:10:01,002 --> 00:10:04,007 From the country side... I see. 127 00:10:07,001 --> 00:10:13,006 Will you be going to the party tonight? 128 00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:19,007 Of course. Everyone's going. Hello! 129 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,000 Yes! 130 00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:29,003 I would like to see you there. 131 00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:35,009 I don't know you. 132 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:47,003 I know, but we can get to know each other there. 133 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:53,008 Send me a picture and I will think about it. 134 00:11:04,008 --> 00:11:07,008 Shit! 135 00:11:16,001 --> 00:11:18,005 I'll have to do it. 136 00:11:22,007 --> 00:11:26,000 Not bad at all. 137 00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:29,001 What car did you say you have? 138 00:11:30,007 --> 00:11:32,007 What car? 139 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:52,001 A BMW isn't all that bad. 140 00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:56,008 I think we can keep talking a bit more. 141 00:11:57,003 --> 00:12:01,006 I hope you won't disappoint me. 142 00:12:03,008 --> 00:12:06,008 I won't. 143 00:12:07,004 --> 00:12:10,004 I'll see you tonight. 144 00:12:10,005 --> 00:12:12,004 My love. 145 00:12:12,004 --> 00:12:15,004 Okay, whatever. 146 00:12:26,003 --> 00:12:28,002 Oh, shit! 147 00:12:28,002 --> 00:12:29,008 Now what do I do? 148 00:12:44,004 --> 00:12:49,005 Woah, sit down right here my dear friend. 149 00:12:49,005 --> 00:12:52,005 Did you sleep well? 150 00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:55,005 Sit down. 151 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,000 -You made me breakfast? -Yeah. 152 00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,008 Remember what I told you. 153 00:13:15,009 --> 00:13:18,009 People do the math and continue to think you're gay. 154 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,002 No. No I'm not. 155 00:13:21,003 --> 00:13:23,006 I just need you to do me a favor tonight. 156 00:13:23,006 --> 00:13:24,009 I knew it. 157 00:13:24,009 --> 00:13:27,008 I need you to meet Amanda for me. 158 00:13:27,008 --> 00:13:29,009 You want me to meet her for you? 159 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,006 And hook up with her for you as well? 160 00:13:31,006 --> 00:13:34,002 No! Just meet her. 161 00:13:34,002 --> 00:13:36,007 It's just that she thinks you're me. 162 00:13:36,007 --> 00:13:40,009 I was chatting with her, she asked me for a picture and so I sent her yours. 163 00:13:40,009 --> 00:13:44,001 Mine was no good. 164 00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:49,003 She also asked me what car I had. I told her it was a BMW. 165 00:13:49,003 --> 00:13:51,007 What car you had? 166 00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:56,001 -That's something a selfish woman would ask. -She's not selfish. She's refined. 167 00:13:57,004 --> 00:14:01,002 A snob! Asking you what car you drive? That's bullshit! 168 00:14:01,009 --> 00:14:04,009 Don't get involved. 169 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:08,007 Besides women like that only like good looking guys with money. 170 00:14:09,002 --> 00:14:11,000 Like me. 171 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,000 And to get her to give you a piece you're gonna have to work really hard. 172 00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:18,001 Fuck it! I'll work hard! I'm in love. 173 00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:21,006 In love? You don't even know her. 174 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:29,008 Look, when you try some pussy, any pussy, love will go to hell. 175 00:14:29,009 --> 00:14:33,005 In fact, if you want I can introduce you to a cousin of mine who's always in heat! 176 00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:35,009 She sleeps with any guy even if he's ugly. 177 00:14:35,009 --> 00:14:37,006 I don't want an easy woman. 178 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:40,006 I do. I'm practically climbing walls. 179 00:14:42,009 --> 00:14:45,006 Women like Amanda are good looking and all but 180 00:14:45,007 --> 00:14:48,009 they're so delicate your body can't enjoy them. 181 00:14:48,009 --> 00:14:50,006 They don't give head. 182 00:14:50,006 --> 00:14:52,002 They don't swallow. 183 00:14:52,002 --> 00:14:54,006 They don't give you the small hole. 184 00:14:54,008 --> 00:14:57,008 What do you want a girlfriend like that for? 185 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,000 To love and care for her. 186 00:15:07,009 --> 00:15:10,009 Love and care for her? 187 00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:14,003 That's a good one, Gaby. "To love and care for her." 188 00:15:14,003 --> 00:15:16,003 Hey, Gaby, Gaby. 189 00:15:16,004 --> 00:15:19,006 Don't leave, man. Come here. 190 00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:23,007 Love and care for her? Good one. 191 00:15:24,003 --> 00:15:29,008 Tonight I'm gonna give you an intensive class on how to pick up women. 192 00:15:29,008 --> 00:15:31,006 Sound good? 193 00:15:31,006 --> 00:15:35,004 -Really? -Yes. "Love and care for her". Okay. 194 00:15:35,005 --> 00:15:38,005 -Thank you! You're my brother, RS! -Whoa! Don't kiss me. Don't kiss me. 195 00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,005 Okay, okay. 196 00:16:05,004 --> 00:16:08,004 Check it out. Bitches. 197 00:16:08,004 --> 00:16:11,006 Damn, man. And I'm not in the mood to work... 198 00:16:11,006 --> 00:16:12,009 Wanna go fishing? 199 00:16:12,009 --> 00:16:15,009 Let's go in before the cacos get here. 200 00:16:26,005 --> 00:16:29,002 Damn, we're too late. 201 00:16:29,002 --> 00:16:31,005 What they want is muscle mass. 202 00:16:31,005 --> 00:16:34,008 Dude, you think those girls are excited because the guy's strong? 203 00:16:35,004 --> 00:16:39,009 Well, they say that women have a strong tendency for the black race. 204 00:16:39,009 --> 00:16:42,001 And why do you think that is? 205 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,003 Could it be because of the Yin Yang? 206 00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:50,001 Yin Yang my balls, dude! Look at the size of that dude's dong! 207 00:16:51,003 --> 00:16:54,003 Damn! That guy lives far. 208 00:16:54,003 --> 00:16:57,003 That's what's got those girls all hot. 209 00:16:57,008 --> 00:17:02,000 It can't be... No! What kind of gay stuff is this? 210 00:17:12,008 --> 00:17:17,003 Dude! They're tutti frutti! 211 00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:21,009 Well, perfect! Now it's on. 212 00:17:44,005 --> 00:17:47,007 Hey, girls. What's up? 213 00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:49,007 Where you from? 214 00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:51,000 Ocean Park. 215 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,007 Oh, that's nice. And are you by yourselves? 216 00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:56,006 We're together. 217 00:17:56,006 --> 00:17:58,002 Of course. 218 00:17:58,002 --> 00:18:00,000 Is this a gay beach? 219 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,006 Not that I know of. 220 00:18:01,006 --> 00:18:05,002 So why are all the men in bikinis, greased up and in pairs? 221 00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:08,006 Well, sweety, I don't know but I'm really not gay and 222 00:18:08,006 --> 00:18:12,005 I'm here with my friends. I came over to invite you to hang out. 223 00:18:12,005 --> 00:18:14,000 There's four of us. 224 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,009 You, that one and the stoner? 225 00:18:17,009 --> 00:18:22,003 Me, the stoner and RS. And a friend of ours named Gaby. 226 00:18:22,003 --> 00:18:25,000 -RS? -You know him? 227 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,009 -RS from Los Paseos? -That's the one. 228 00:18:27,009 --> 00:18:30,009 Oh, okay. 229 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:33,001 Are you coming with us? 230 00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:37,009 Not in a long time but, you have weed? 231 00:18:37,009 --> 00:18:42,000 Ha! Home-grown, baby. 232 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,002 Let's go, then. 233 00:19:00,001 --> 00:19:03,001 Check this out. 234 00:19:08,004 --> 00:19:11,004 Two Face Flower, my favorite band. I have the t-shirt and everything. 235 00:19:11,004 --> 00:19:12,009 That's nice. 236 00:19:13,003 --> 00:19:17,008 Hey, did you notice your friend is fucking my friend? 237 00:19:21,007 --> 00:19:23,009 Gosh! 238 00:19:23,009 --> 00:19:25,008 I hadn't noticed. 239 00:19:25,008 --> 00:19:28,001 For a while now. 240 00:19:28,008 --> 00:19:32,007 Wow... that's crazy, right? 241 00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:36,004 They're out of control! 242 00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:43,005 You want me to blow you? 243 00:19:51,002 --> 00:19:54,002 -I'm sorry? -Like that. 244 00:20:00,007 --> 00:20:03,002 We just met. 245 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:06,002 Don't worry. I'm not gonna fall in love. 246 00:20:06,002 --> 00:20:09,002 I don't know. I don't know. 247 00:20:09,002 --> 00:20:11,000 Are you gay? 248 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:16,004 No! I'm not gay! I just don't want it! 249 00:20:17,005 --> 00:20:21,005 Fine! All men like to be blown! 250 00:20:25,004 --> 00:20:28,007 And the iPod Nano is for girls! 251 00:20:50,009 --> 00:20:56,000 -Chicho! -Oh, damn, man! 252 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,009 Hey, hey, hey! Don't look! Screw you if you look! 253 00:21:00,005 --> 00:21:03,005 These girls will most likely be at the party. 254 00:21:03,005 --> 00:21:06,005 Gaby, learn this. Lesson number one 255 00:21:06,005 --> 00:21:09,007 you have to give yourself status. You have to make yourself important. 256 00:21:09,008 --> 00:21:14,004 We're riding in a BMW. We're automatically good looking. 257 00:21:14,004 --> 00:21:17,003 You can be ugly as fuck, like Chicho 258 00:21:17,003 --> 00:21:20,003 but if you're riding in a car like this you're good looking 259 00:21:20,006 --> 00:21:22,009 Look how they look at us. 260 00:22:20,004 --> 00:22:24,000 -There she is! -Where? -Amanda! 261 00:22:24,005 --> 00:22:27,005 Damn, dude! That's too much for you. 262 00:22:28,007 --> 00:22:31,001 I know, I know. 263 00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:34,000 Relax. Look, we just got here, okay? 264 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,000 When I talk to her I'll let you know if you'll be able to or not. 265 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,001 Be right back. 266 00:22:41,002 --> 00:22:44,002 You won't be able to. 267 00:22:44,005 --> 00:22:47,005 I knew it. 268 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,007 You know what the problem is? She's fucking pretentious. 269 00:22:51,007 --> 00:22:53,002 You know what was the first thing she asked me? 270 00:22:53,002 --> 00:22:56,000 Where I was from? Who my parents are? 271 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,006 If I studied in Yale and all that bullshit. 272 00:22:58,006 --> 00:23:03,001 Damn, when she finds out I study at Rivera's College. I'm screwed! 273 00:23:04,004 --> 00:23:07,006 Well, look. I'm saying you won't be able to 274 00:23:07,006 --> 00:23:10,006 and that's because you're not ready today. 275 00:23:10,006 --> 00:23:15,004 You never know. The first thing you need to do is work up your self-confidence. 276 00:23:15,004 --> 00:23:18,007 If she sees you're sure of yourself, that helps you a lot. 277 00:23:19,002 --> 00:23:22,002 Okay. How do I do that? 278 00:23:28,009 --> 00:23:31,009 You see that girl over there? 279 00:23:33,005 --> 00:23:36,005 You're gonna go over to her and tell her this... 280 00:23:42,001 --> 00:23:45,008 -Seriously? -Yeah, go! 281 00:23:46,005 --> 00:23:48,007 Go! 282 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,003 Tell me. 283 00:24:32,009 --> 00:24:35,009 Shall we? 284 00:25:06,006 --> 00:25:10,000 -You see the padawan? -Yeah, he's dancing with María la popa. 285 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,001 ¿La popa? 286 00:25:12,001 --> 00:25:13,007 La popa. 287 00:25:13,007 --> 00:25:16,001 I'm not even gonna ask. 288 00:25:16,001 --> 00:25:19,001 You've turned him into quite the ladies man. 289 00:25:19,001 --> 00:25:22,006 Nah. I just told him the password she likes. 290 00:25:23,004 --> 00:25:24,006 The password? 291 00:25:24,006 --> 00:25:26,007 The password. 292 00:25:26,007 --> 00:25:29,007 What password, dude? 293 00:25:29,007 --> 00:25:33,000 Who wrote this script? 294 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:38,004 I told him to tell her "I go down the well even if it smells like hell.” 295 00:25:38,004 --> 00:25:40,009 What? 296 00:25:41,006 --> 00:25:44,003 That's the password. 297 00:25:44,003 --> 00:25:47,003 I can't believe it, dude. 298 00:25:56,003 --> 00:25:59,003 You've spent the entire night talking to every girl except me. 299 00:25:59,003 --> 00:26:02,004 Not interested anymore? 300 00:26:02,004 --> 00:26:08,008 Oh! Yeah. It's just that since I got here I've been having a good time with my friends and all. 301 00:26:08,008 --> 00:26:11,004 But I am interested. Tell me about yourself. 302 00:26:11,004 --> 00:26:13,004 As you can see I enjoy being alone. 303 00:26:13,004 --> 00:26:17,004 I have lots of suitors but I'm not attracted to any of them. 304 00:26:17,004 --> 00:26:20,000 -Hard to get, huh? -Selective. 305 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,000 "Distance and category" as my mother would say. 306 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,007 From a golden crib, huh? 307 00:26:24,007 --> 00:26:26,002 Look who's talking! 308 00:26:26,002 --> 00:26:29,000 And you? Where did you get the car? 309 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,008 My dad gave it to me. 310 00:26:30,008 --> 00:26:35,001 Well then you can't talk because you, darling, are also from a golden crib. 311 00:26:35,001 --> 00:26:38,001 Although, there's nothing wrong with that. 312 00:26:38,001 --> 00:26:41,006 Um... the party's really good, right? 313 00:26:41,006 --> 00:26:44,006 Come on. I want you to meet my friends. 314 00:26:46,007 --> 00:26:50,009 Amanda, I'd like to introduce you to one of my best friends. 315 00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:52,000 Gaby. 316 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,009 Hello. 317 00:26:54,007 --> 00:26:58,000 He's one of the smartest guys in my class. 318 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,008 Graduated with honors. 319 00:26:59,008 --> 00:27:01,008 That's nice. 320 00:27:01,008 --> 00:27:06,006 You know everyone's huddled around you tonight. You are desirable. 321 00:27:06,006 --> 00:27:09,006 That me on. 322 00:27:10,001 --> 00:27:13,001 But I would much rather hang out with my friend Gaby. 323 00:27:13,001 --> 00:27:17,009 He always has great advice and knows how to treat women. 324 00:27:17,009 --> 00:27:22,006 Gaby, say something to Amanda. Something you know she wants to hear. 325 00:27:23,005 --> 00:27:26,005 Something poetic. 326 00:27:30,006 --> 00:27:33,006 I am a poor fool... 327 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,003 who breathes slowly... 328 00:27:40,001 --> 00:27:44,003 but I always enjoy life... 329 00:27:46,007 --> 00:27:50,000 and I am not lazy... 330 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,008 and if you want I'll go down the well even if it smells like hell. 331 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,002 I fucked it up! 332 00:28:16,001 --> 00:28:19,006 Now, she'll never notice me. 333 00:28:20,003 --> 00:28:23,003 My life stinks! 334 00:28:25,003 --> 00:28:27,008 Dude, you drank too much. 335 00:28:27,008 --> 00:28:31,005 You couldn't say the password to Amanda. Not every woman falls for that. 336 00:28:34,003 --> 00:28:36,007 What happened? 337 00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:38,008 He said the password to Amanda. 338 00:28:38,008 --> 00:28:43,005 Na! You dog, dude! That's awesome! 339 00:28:43,005 --> 00:28:46,005 You sai-- No, that's not right. 340 00:28:46,005 --> 00:28:49,000 But, dude, you were hitting it off with another girl, what happened? 341 00:28:49,001 --> 00:28:51,004 Yeah, man. Don't make things complicated for yourself. 342 00:28:51,004 --> 00:28:57,002 Dude, be like me. Look, I met her here tonight, she's hammered... 343 00:28:57,002 --> 00:29:03,004 divorced, three kids. She's all over the place, man. It’s a sure thing! 344 00:29:03,004 --> 00:29:05,000 Right, mamita? 345 00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,005 And she knows the popola song! Tell me this isn't a sure thing! 346 00:29:08,005 --> 00:29:18,005 Don't give me anymore cos my popola hurts. Give me from behind... 347 00:29:19,002 --> 00:29:24,001 Forget about that! I am condemned to loneliness. 348 00:29:25,002 --> 00:29:28,004 The woman I love rejected me! 349 00:29:28,009 --> 00:29:31,004 I'm gonna kill myself! 350 00:29:32,004 --> 00:29:33,008 Turn it on! 351 00:29:33,008 --> 00:29:37,000 -Turn it on! -Come on, man, cut the crap! 352 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,004 You want me to tell you what I think about that Amanda? 353 00:29:39,004 --> 00:29:41,004 She's a bitch! 354 00:29:41,004 --> 00:29:44,001 Without money you won’t get anywhere. 355 00:29:44,001 --> 00:29:46,002 Fall for another one. 356 00:29:46,002 --> 00:29:49,002 And to top it off she slapped him. 357 00:29:49,002 --> 00:29:51,005 What!? No, man! 358 00:29:51,005 --> 00:29:55,008 You have to make them respect you! You're a man! Men should be respected! 359 00:29:55,008 --> 00:30:01,001 These things never happened in the past! Back then women were submissive and it was better that way! 360 00:30:01,009 --> 00:30:04,009 No woman will ever slap me! 361 00:30:04,009 --> 00:30:06,005 Shut up, you big lug! 362 00:30:06,005 --> 00:30:08,009 Bitch! 363 00:30:08,009 --> 00:30:12,005 -You'll see the big lug later, you hear me? -Pig! -You'll see the big lug later. 364 00:30:18,002 --> 00:30:22,008 Relax, Gaby. We'll think of something. 365 00:30:32,001 --> 00:30:35,001 Recording. 366 00:30:35,001 --> 00:30:37,003 Last night was a bust. 367 00:30:37,003 --> 00:30:41,005 Amanda hit me in the face for telling her the password. 368 00:30:42,004 --> 00:30:47,000 I suppose I'll have to think of another way to seduce her. 369 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,007 I don't know what it is about her but I can't stop thinking about her... 370 00:30:53,005 --> 00:30:56,008 can't stop imagining her... 371 00:30:56,008 --> 00:30:59,008 can't stop wanting her. 372 00:31:01,002 --> 00:31:04,002 But... 373 00:31:04,002 --> 00:31:07,006 Today we're going camping to Guajataca Forest. 374 00:31:07,006 --> 00:31:11,002 It's supposed to be fun. 375 00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:15,006 I don't know. We'll see. 376 00:31:17,002 --> 00:31:23,000 But I definitely need a new plan. 377 00:31:34,009 --> 00:31:38,003 It's been a while since I came in contact with nature. 378 00:31:38,003 --> 00:31:41,000 You come in contact with it every day. You smoke it. 379 00:31:41,001 --> 00:31:43,005 Dude, I hate the outdoors. 380 00:31:43,005 --> 00:31:45,009 I hate insects and mosquitoes. 381 00:31:45,009 --> 00:31:48,001 And I'm tired, man. 382 00:31:48,001 --> 00:31:52,001 And to top it off I know as soon as I enter the mountain my feet are gonna get riddled with twigs. 383 00:31:52,001 --> 00:31:54,001 Stuck over here. 384 00:31:55,008 --> 00:31:59,006 What you have to do is stop eating so much and start losing weight. 385 00:31:59,009 --> 00:32:04,005 Dude, you should record Chicho on the trail so he can hear how much he complains. 386 00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:06,008 I'll take out the camera! 387 00:32:59,007 --> 00:33:02,007 Look at that! 388 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,009 -They're dykes. -You think? 389 00:33:06,009 --> 00:33:09,009 You want me to prove it? 390 00:33:09,009 --> 00:33:12,009 Hey, girls! How you doin'? 391 00:33:12,009 --> 00:33:15,009 Good. How's the water? 392 00:33:15,009 --> 00:33:18,009 It's good. Come on, jump in. 393 00:33:29,009 --> 00:33:33,002 Look at that! Now it's on! 394 00:33:33,002 --> 00:33:34,003 Wait, wait! 395 00:33:42,007 --> 00:33:45,007 Hey, it's your turn! 396 00:33:48,007 --> 00:33:50,006 Are there rocks in the bottom? 397 00:33:50,006 --> 00:33:54,000 No, come on, get in! 398 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,005 If something happens to me it's on you guys. 399 00:33:56,005 --> 00:33:58,006 Don't worry, we'll rescue you. 400 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,009 Something bit my boob! 401 00:34:28,009 --> 00:34:31,000 Fucking shit! 402 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,003 I'm outta here! 403 00:34:33,003 --> 00:34:36,006 I got bitten too! They're piranhas! 404 00:34:36,006 --> 00:34:38,007 They're piranhas! 405 00:34:38,007 --> 00:34:40,006 They're messing with us. 406 00:34:42,003 --> 00:34:45,003 Piranhas! 407 00:34:49,006 --> 00:34:56,000 Don't leave me! Please don't leave me! 408 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:59,000 -Come on! -I can't get out of here! 409 00:35:14,007 --> 00:35:17,003 -What dumbasses. -Oh, yeah. 410 00:35:17,003 --> 00:35:20,003 Suckers! 411 00:35:27,007 --> 00:35:31,008 You dumbasses shit your pants, didn't you? I shit my pants. 412 00:35:32,004 --> 00:35:35,003 It's been a long time since I got taken in like that by a woman. 413 00:35:36,001 --> 00:35:40,002 Those girls were dykes, you think they were even remotely interested in men? Please! 414 00:35:46,008 --> 00:35:49,002 And Gaby? What's he up to? 415 00:35:49,002 --> 00:35:52,002 Gaby? Gaby's scared shitless, dude. 416 00:35:52,002 --> 00:35:55,007 He's scared of the goths and the crazy bitches from the river. 417 00:35:56,007 --> 00:35:59,007 Gaby! Come here! 418 00:36:00,005 --> 00:36:03,005 Let me finish spraying flee in here! 419 00:36:04,006 --> 00:36:07,006 I don't want a centipede to bite me! 420 00:36:10,004 --> 00:36:15,001 Tonight is Ritual Night. That's why they had the rooster. 421 00:36:15,001 --> 00:36:18,005 That's what I told Gaby. 422 00:36:18,005 --> 00:36:22,003 Hey, did they ever find those gringos that disappeared here in Guajataca? 423 00:36:23,003 --> 00:36:26,003 They found them dead. 424 00:36:26,003 --> 00:36:30,007 Apparently for a Satanic ritual... 425 00:36:30,007 --> 00:36:33,002 by goths. 426 00:36:33,003 --> 00:36:35,008 Yeah, right. What a joke. 427 00:36:35,008 --> 00:36:37,007 I'm not gonna fall for that. 428 00:36:37,007 --> 00:36:40,007 Don't believe, but it's true. 429 00:36:41,002 --> 00:36:44,009 You guys just want to scare me and I'm not falling for it. 430 00:36:44,009 --> 00:36:47,009 I imagine that's what the gringos thought. 431 00:36:49,005 --> 00:36:53,009 They didn't believe and in the morning they were found hanging from their feet... 432 00:36:53,009 --> 00:36:56,009 without a single drop of blood. 433 00:36:57,009 --> 00:37:01,003 They peel them like chickens and roosters 434 00:37:01,003 --> 00:37:04,003 and then they cut their private parts. 435 00:37:09,003 --> 00:37:12,003 Who? 436 00:37:12,009 --> 00:37:15,000 The goths. 437 00:37:18,003 --> 00:37:20,009 You know I'm not falling for it, right? 438 00:37:20,009 --> 00:37:24,004 That's fine, don't believe. But as Dave Chappelle says... 439 00:37:24,004 --> 00:37:27,004 "Night, night and keep you butthole tight." 440 00:37:31,005 --> 00:37:33,004 "Your butthole tight." 441 00:38:22,004 --> 00:38:25,007 Psst, psst. Hey, guys? 442 00:38:26,006 --> 00:38:29,006 Are you there? 443 00:38:34,006 --> 00:38:37,006 Stop messing around. It's not funny anymore. 444 00:38:42,009 --> 00:38:45,009 RS, I'm scared ha-- 445 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,003 You can come out now. 446 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,007 Chicho! Chicho, come out! 447 00:39:00,009 --> 00:39:03,009 Their agenda is to mess with me. 448 00:39:05,003 --> 00:39:07,005 But they'll see. They'll see. 449 00:39:07,005 --> 00:39:10,005 Where's the camera? 450 00:39:12,004 --> 00:39:14,009 I'm gonna turn the tables. 451 00:39:14,009 --> 00:39:17,009 This is gonna be the horror scene for the movie. 452 00:39:47,002 --> 00:39:49,008 This is Fabio's shirt. 453 00:39:49,008 --> 00:39:52,002 They take me for a fool. 454 00:39:52,002 --> 00:39:55,002 But I'm going the right way. 455 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,001 Amanda? 456 00:40:36,001 --> 00:40:41,000 Tonight Satan will receive a double sacrifice! 457 00:40:42,005 --> 00:40:45,008 Why double? 458 00:40:45,008 --> 00:40:50,000 Double... because we will sacrifice only these two. 459 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:54,000 The fat one we'll roast at the rod. 460 00:40:54,006 --> 00:40:57,006 What!? I told him to lose weight! 461 00:40:57,006 --> 00:41:00,006 This one... 462 00:41:05,001 --> 00:41:07,001 we'll cut off his dick! 463 00:41:07,001 --> 00:41:10,001 Dick for Satan! Dick for Satan! 464 00:41:11,003 --> 00:41:14,003 And this one... 465 00:41:14,003 --> 00:41:16,007 we'll also cut off his dick! 466 00:41:16,007 --> 00:41:19,007 Dick for Satan! Dick for Satan! 467 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,009 Oh, no, not now! 468 00:41:23,009 --> 00:41:25,005 Not now! 469 00:41:35,002 --> 00:41:37,003 Brothers... 470 00:41:37,003 --> 00:41:41,006 Tonight our sect will take its second important step. 471 00:41:41,006 --> 00:41:44,006 First it was the gringos. 472 00:41:44,006 --> 00:41:47,009 And now, it's the native boricua's turn! 473 00:41:49,005 --> 00:41:53,003 We will cut off their dicks and burn them. 474 00:41:54,007 --> 00:41:58,007 And then we'll get high just for kicks. 475 00:41:59,009 --> 00:42:03,002 -Are you ready? -We're ready! 476 00:42:03,007 --> 00:42:05,005 -What do we have for tonight? 477 00:42:05,005 --> 00:42:08,005 Dick for Satan! Dick for Satan! 478 00:42:11,008 --> 00:42:16,001 What do I do? What do I do? 479 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:33,000 There's somebody there! Get him! 480 00:42:39,007 --> 00:42:42,007 Don't come near me! I'm crazy! I have caca! 481 00:42:42,007 --> 00:42:46,004 Caca! 482 00:42:46,004 --> 00:42:47,004 I'm crazy! 483 00:42:47,004 --> 00:42:50,004 Gaby! 484 00:42:55,008 --> 00:42:58,003 Come on, we're leaving! 485 00:43:08,005 --> 00:43:11,004 RS! Come here. 486 00:43:11,004 --> 00:43:14,004 Look! It's Amanda. 487 00:43:14,004 --> 00:43:17,004 Yeah, she was camping here, too. 488 00:43:17,004 --> 00:43:21,000 That means I felt her presence last night. 489 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,007 That's why she was in my dream! 490 00:43:22,007 --> 00:43:24,005 And I bet you didn't bang her in your dream. 491 00:43:24,005 --> 00:43:26,000 Nah, man. 492 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,003 I have to talk to her. I have to talk to her. I'm going to talk to her. 493 00:43:29,003 --> 00:43:32,003 I'm gonna apologize. 494 00:43:32,003 --> 00:43:34,002 Man, you go. 495 00:43:34,002 --> 00:43:37,002 -Dude, forget about that woman! -I can't! 496 00:43:37,008 --> 00:43:40,008 Come on. Please. Go. She's right there. 497 00:43:40,008 --> 00:43:44,003 Waiting for you. Come on. Go. Please? 498 00:43:44,003 --> 00:43:46,006 -You're pathetic, my friend. -Well then go. 499 00:43:46,009 --> 00:43:48,009 Go, come on, she's right there. 500 00:43:48,009 --> 00:43:51,009 Please? 501 00:43:51,009 --> 00:43:55,006 Alright fine, I'll go! I'll go! You look like you're about to have a heart attack. 502 00:44:04,007 --> 00:44:07,007 Well, look who's here. 503 00:44:07,007 --> 00:44:10,005 -How are you? -Good. 504 00:44:10,005 --> 00:44:13,005 Girls, this is RS, the friend I told you about. 505 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:17,000 And is this the one that goes down the well? 506 00:44:17,002 --> 00:44:20,002 No. That was his friend. 507 00:44:20,002 --> 00:44:23,000 That was Gaby. He was really wasted that time 508 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:26,007 and he's really ashamed. Also he wanted to apologize to you. 509 00:44:26,007 --> 00:44:28,003 What are you doing today? 510 00:44:28,003 --> 00:44:31,009 -Aerobics, honey, remember. -Oh, that's right. I have my aerobics class. 511 00:44:31,009 --> 00:44:33,002 Okay? 512 00:44:33,002 --> 00:44:37,005 But you can go. I mean if you'd like to. 513 00:44:37,005 --> 00:44:41,009 Because it's just a group of girlfriends in leotards bending all the time and sweating. 514 00:44:42,008 --> 00:44:45,008 I have no problem with that. 515 00:44:46,009 --> 00:44:49,006 Here. Call me? 516 00:44:49,006 --> 00:44:51,003 I'll call you. 517 00:44:52,007 --> 00:44:56,008 You bitch! He's yummy. 518 00:44:57,006 --> 00:45:01,009 That one? That's one's going to be my boyfriend. Good looking and rich. 519 00:45:01,009 --> 00:45:03,006 And, his friends? 520 00:45:03,006 --> 00:45:06,000 Oh, horrible! Look for yourself. 521 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:09,000 Ugly and vulgar. 522 00:45:10,005 --> 00:45:13,005 Yeah, I saw. 523 00:45:14,009 --> 00:45:16,004 What happened? 524 00:45:16,004 --> 00:45:17,004 I got you her number. 525 00:45:17,004 --> 00:45:21,001 Nah! You're kidding! 526 00:45:21,001 --> 00:45:24,001 You have some aerobics clothes? You're gonna need them. 527 00:45:28,002 --> 00:45:32,000 1...2...3...4... 528 00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:35,007 5...6...7...8 529 00:45:35,007 --> 00:45:42,004 2...3...4...5...6...7...8 530 00:45:48,003 --> 00:45:50,005 Wow... 531 00:45:50,005 --> 00:45:53,001 She's so beautiful! 532 00:45:53,001 --> 00:45:56,009 I prefer the instructor. She's hot. 533 00:45:58,001 --> 00:46:00,009 She's a bit older. 534 00:46:00,009 --> 00:46:03,009 Just the way I like them. 535 00:46:03,009 --> 00:46:07,001 I don't get you, sometimes. 536 00:46:07,001 --> 00:46:10,006 There are a lot of things you won't get, my dear Spielberg wannabe. 537 00:46:10,006 --> 00:46:12,007 So go get changed. 538 00:46:12,007 --> 00:46:16,001 -Aren't you gonna get changed? -Nah. I'll distract them. 539 00:46:16,001 --> 00:46:19,001 I'll take care of the instructor. 540 00:46:30,006 --> 00:46:35,005 Come, baby, come, I'm going to give you a leather doll with a bare head. 541 00:46:35,005 --> 00:46:40,007 Come, baby, come I have something for you with a straight body and a pink head. 542 00:46:40,007 --> 00:46:44,002 That you can play, that you can climb [...] 543 00:46:44,002 --> 00:46:47,002 Ra Ra Ra, move. 544 00:46:48,001 --> 00:46:52,007 Perhaps what you need is some kind of synthetic fertilizer or something. 545 00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:56,008 Or would you prefer a bit of poop? 546 00:46:56,008 --> 00:47:00,000 Talk to me! Tell me! What can I do for you? 547 00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,002 I know. 548 00:47:01,002 --> 00:47:06,003 They say too much of this stuff can have its narcotic effect. 549 00:47:06,003 --> 00:47:10,000 I don't know. But let's try it out. 550 00:47:12,003 --> 00:47:17,001 Quiero amanecer con alguien. 551 00:47:17,001 --> 00:47:20,001 Amor de noche. 552 00:47:20,001 --> 00:47:22,009 Vendo una boca rosa. 553 00:47:22,009 --> 00:47:26,004 Que se quede el infinito [...] 554 00:47:34,008 --> 00:47:37,008 -What happened!? -I'm gonna die! 555 00:47:37,008 --> 00:47:39,003 Why are you screaming like that!? 556 00:47:39,003 --> 00:47:42,003 A cockroach! 557 00:47:42,007 --> 00:47:46,000 You make yourself out to be a badass tough guy and you're scared of a roach? 558 00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:47,009 I don't care! Kill it! 559 00:47:47,009 --> 00:47:50,009 -I can't deal! -Dumbass. 560 00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,000 It's too tight. 561 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:13,003 Forget about that. Look, you're gonna go in, go to the back and follow the routine. 562 00:48:13,003 --> 00:48:15,003 Okay? 563 00:48:16,006 --> 00:48:18,005 I can't do it. 564 00:48:18,005 --> 00:48:21,001 I don't want to hear that, okay!? 565 00:48:21,001 --> 00:48:24,001 Focus on your prey. 566 00:48:30,007 --> 00:48:33,007 Two... 567 00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:41,006 Amanda, start with the Amazonic routine 568 00:48:43,001 --> 00:48:44,007 Alright, girls. 569 00:48:44,007 --> 00:48:56,005 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 570 00:48:56,008 --> 00:49:02,006 Hey, I have a question. What training do you do to make your body look so... 571 00:49:03,002 --> 00:49:05,002 ...fuckable? 572 00:49:11,008 --> 00:49:23,005 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 573 00:49:27,007 --> 00:49:30,007 Now we get up. 574 00:49:30,007 --> 00:49:33,007 We lie down. 575 00:49:37,009 --> 00:49:41,005 Contract and raise. 576 00:49:43,002 --> 00:49:46,002 Down. 577 00:49:46,005 --> 00:49:49,008 Contract and raise. 578 00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:57,000 Down. 579 00:49:57,005 --> 00:50:00,005 Contract and raise. 580 00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:03,009 Down. 581 00:50:06,005 --> 00:50:08,006 Wait a minute. 582 00:50:09,008 --> 00:50:12,001 What's your problem? 583 00:50:13,002 --> 00:50:16,008 Excuse me? I'm talking to the only guy in the class. 584 00:50:16,008 --> 00:50:19,008 The one who turned away. Turn around, please. 585 00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,009 So, you married? 586 00:50:35,009 --> 00:50:40,006 Yes. My husband and I run the gym. 587 00:50:41,002 --> 00:50:43,004 And where's he? 588 00:50:43,004 --> 00:50:47,004 I don't know. I think he went out for a while. 589 00:50:48,007 --> 00:50:52,003 -And if he catches us? -He'll kill us. 590 00:50:52,003 --> 00:50:56,008 Both of us. Maybe only you. 591 00:50:56,008 --> 00:50:59,008 Not you? 592 00:51:00,003 --> 00:51:05,006 Maybe. He owes me one and this is my revenge. 593 00:51:05,009 --> 00:51:08,000 Well... 594 00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:12,003 The important thing here is that you cum. 595 00:51:14,002 --> 00:51:16,004 Turn around. 596 00:51:16,004 --> 00:51:17,007 I already turned around. 597 00:51:17,007 --> 00:51:20,007 No, no, no, no, the other way. Girls? 598 00:51:30,005 --> 00:51:33,005 That is not sweat. 599 00:51:34,006 --> 00:51:37,006 We have an early riser here! 600 00:51:38,008 --> 00:51:40,006 It can't be! 601 00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:51,000 I know you enjoyed it. 602 00:51:51,006 --> 00:51:54,002 Is that what you think? 603 00:51:54,002 --> 00:51:57,002 Well, I can't go on. 604 00:51:57,002 --> 00:51:59,006 Besides you had an orgasm. 605 00:51:59,006 --> 00:52:01,009 Not at all, baby. 606 00:52:01,009 --> 00:52:04,009 A minute is not enough time. 607 00:52:05,004 --> 00:52:08,008 You should get yourself checked out. It's kind of pathetic. 608 00:52:09,003 --> 00:52:12,007 That doesn't happen to my husband. 609 00:52:15,007 --> 00:52:18,007 -There she is! -Oh, hey! You're here! 610 00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:28,000 -Hey, all good? -All good. 611 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,001 -Can I help you with something? -No, thank you. 612 00:52:30,001 --> 00:52:32,007 I'm just here to pick up my friend Gaby. 613 00:52:32,007 --> 00:52:34,004 He was just here exercising. 614 00:52:34,004 --> 00:52:38,001 Awesome. Welcome to the gym. If you need anything 615 00:52:38,001 --> 00:52:41,005 just ask and if I'm not here my wife will service you. 616 00:52:41,009 --> 00:52:43,001 Yeah, thanks. 617 00:52:43,001 --> 00:52:45,004 -Are you looking to lose weight? -Yeah. 618 00:52:45,005 --> 00:52:52,000 Look what I have here. The number one book for losing weight in Puerto Rico '100% Fat Free.' 619 00:52:53,002 --> 00:52:57,005 So let's lose weight and get in shape. Here, a gift for signing up. 620 00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:01,000 -Thanks. -Cool. -Later. -Let's get in shape! 621 00:53:01,002 --> 00:53:04,007 Chicho. Chicho, man wake up. Chicho! 622 00:53:04,007 --> 00:53:07,007 I'm a loser. I'm not gonna try anymore, it's not worth it. 623 00:53:07,007 --> 00:53:09,001 What a bad trip, man. 624 00:53:11,007 --> 00:53:14,007 What's wrong with him? 625 00:53:14,007 --> 00:53:17,004 -A roach. -What? 626 00:53:17,004 --> 00:53:22,000 He was taking a shower and he saw a roach and apparently he's deathly afraid of them. He's catatonic. 627 00:53:22,006 --> 00:53:25,006 Chicho. Chicho, can you hear me? 628 00:53:25,006 --> 00:53:28,001 Trust me I've tried everything and nothing works. 629 00:53:28,002 --> 00:53:32,000 -Slap him. -We can't do that! 630 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,009 I don't know! Pinch a nipple. 631 00:53:33,009 --> 00:53:36,005 No. Let's take him to the hospital. 632 00:53:36,005 --> 00:53:38,006 And what will we say? 633 00:53:38,006 --> 00:53:42,002 "Doctor we have a patient here that's been motionless since he saw a roach." 634 00:53:42,002 --> 00:53:45,002 They're gonna take one look at us and say the guy's stoned 635 00:53:45,002 --> 00:53:48,004 and that he has a toy car stuck up his ass like in Jackass. 636 00:53:48,004 --> 00:53:49,007 I know! 637 00:53:49,007 --> 00:53:51,003 Let's give him an enema. 638 00:53:51,003 --> 00:53:54,003 If you're gonna do that let me know because I am not up for the sight of a hairy ass. 639 00:53:56,001 --> 00:53:59,008 Just what we needed! This vacation has been a disaster! 640 00:53:59,008 --> 00:54:03,005 Everything's been going wrong! Why don't we leave? We better leave. 641 00:54:03,005 --> 00:54:06,005 What's wrong? What's got you down, man? 642 00:54:06,005 --> 00:54:10,000 Man, I screwed up with Amanda again. 643 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,002 He got hard during the aerobics class. 644 00:54:12,002 --> 00:54:17,000 No. Not just that! Amanda saw and exposed me. 645 00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:19,000 -Damn! -Pathetic! 646 00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:20,005 Pathetic! 647 00:54:20,005 --> 00:54:23,005 Pathetic? I was having sex with the instructor 648 00:54:23,005 --> 00:54:25,001 and I came early. 649 00:54:25,001 --> 00:54:28,004 And she made fun of me. Now, that's pathetic! 650 00:54:28,004 --> 00:54:31,004 Does this have an expiration date? No, right? 651 00:54:31,004 --> 00:54:34,007 This vacation is disastrous. 652 00:54:34,007 --> 00:54:36,007 Disastrous like my girls. 653 00:54:36,007 --> 00:54:38,007 I can't seem to mix them with anything. 654 00:54:38,007 --> 00:54:40,006 They're dying on me. 655 00:54:41,002 --> 00:54:44,009 Fatty! Fatty! Don't you die on me too. 656 00:54:45,003 --> 00:54:48,006 What are we gonna do? We have to take him to the hospital. 657 00:54:49,005 --> 00:54:52,005 We can take Chicho to the hospital. 658 00:54:52,005 --> 00:54:53,009 But they're not gonna cure him. 659 00:54:53,009 --> 00:54:56,009 Fabio needs a formula. 660 00:54:56,009 --> 00:54:59,009 I need some kind of remedy. 661 00:54:59,009 --> 00:55:01,009 And you... 662 00:55:01,009 --> 00:55:03,008 You need to be born again. 663 00:55:03,008 --> 00:55:08,001 There's only one person on this earth that can help us. 664 00:55:09,002 --> 00:55:11,000 My Uncle John. 665 00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:14,009 Your uncle John, who's that? Man, this is serious! 666 00:55:15,002 --> 00:55:17,006 Take it easy, man. You don't know him. 667 00:55:17,006 --> 00:55:21,000 Uncle John is the biggest son of a bitch you could ever meet. 668 00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:24,002 Let's start with the fact that he's a Vietnam veteran. 669 00:55:24,002 --> 00:55:26,008 Second, he's a chemist. 670 00:55:26,008 --> 00:55:30,002 And third he has a harem. 671 00:55:30,002 --> 00:55:31,004 A harem? 672 00:55:31,004 --> 00:55:33,006 A harem, dude! 673 00:55:33,006 --> 00:55:36,006 The guy lives with his millionaire wife. 674 00:55:36,006 --> 00:55:40,001 Wo, by the way, let's him live in the house with all his women. 675 00:55:40,001 --> 00:55:44,004 She works all day and he does nothing. He does jack-shit. 676 00:55:44,009 --> 00:55:46,009 And he's a chemist. 677 00:55:46,009 --> 00:55:50,002 A Harvard graduated chemist. 678 00:55:50,002 --> 00:55:52,009 He enlisted for shits and giggles. 679 00:55:52,009 --> 00:55:55,008 As he puts it "to kill Chinamen." 680 00:55:55,008 --> 00:55:57,007 And the other women? 681 00:55:57,007 --> 00:56:01,004 There are like ten. Well at least a year ago there were ten. 682 00:56:02,002 --> 00:56:05,005 How does he do it? That's the question everyone asks 683 00:56:05,005 --> 00:56:07,006 and nobody knows the answer. 684 00:56:07,006 --> 00:56:09,001 You never asked? 685 00:56:09,001 --> 00:56:12,005 Like a thousand time. But he's never told me. 686 00:56:12,006 --> 00:56:14,000 He doesn't like me. 687 00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,004 Chicho, what should we do? 688 00:56:19,007 --> 00:56:23,009 First thing tomorrow morning, we're going to my uncle's house. 689 00:56:23,009 --> 00:56:26,009 If there's someone on this earth that can give us advice 690 00:56:26,009 --> 00:56:29,009 to stop being so pathetic, it's my uncle John. 691 00:56:30,004 --> 00:56:33,009 And if he doesn't resolve Chicho's problem we go to the hospital. 692 00:56:33,009 --> 00:56:37,005 If you ask me I can solve this with a slap in the face. 693 00:56:37,009 --> 00:56:40,006 You think he can help me with my experiments? 694 00:56:40,006 --> 00:56:43,006 Ask him it at your own risk. He prefers opium. 695 00:56:43,006 --> 00:56:46,000 Opium!? Whoa. 696 00:57:12,004 --> 00:57:16,007 Husband, your nephew's here. 697 00:57:16,009 --> 00:57:21,001 -Hold it right there. Sit down. 698 00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:36,008 Uncle, these are my friends. This is Chicho... 699 00:57:36,008 --> 00:57:38,002 Fabio... 700 00:57:38,002 --> 00:57:40,002 And Gaby. 701 00:57:40,002 --> 00:57:42,009 What's up with him? 702 00:57:42,009 --> 00:57:46,006 He's in shock. He's afraid of roaches. 703 00:57:46,006 --> 00:57:49,006 Bah! I had to eat them when the Chinamen captured me. 704 00:57:51,003 --> 00:57:54,003 How can we help him? 705 00:57:54,003 --> 00:57:56,005 Slap him. 706 00:57:56,005 --> 00:57:58,000 That's what I said! 707 00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:01,004 No, man, not that! We're not Barbarians! 708 00:58:02,006 --> 00:58:05,006 Is this the faggot of the group? 709 00:58:05,006 --> 00:58:07,005 The mascot. 710 00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:13,000 Excuse me, what are you smoking? 711 00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:17,002 This is opium. The girls like it. 712 00:58:19,008 --> 00:58:23,002 Well, what do you want? Why are you here? 713 00:58:23,002 --> 00:58:27,002 We need some of your immense wisdom. 714 00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:32,000 Um, can you help us with fatty? 715 00:58:32,005 --> 00:58:35,001 Well, I would solve it with a good slap in the face but 716 00:58:35,001 --> 00:58:36,009 but since the group faggot doesn't want that 717 00:58:36,009 --> 00:58:41,004 we'll have to apply a bit of Oriental Medicine. 718 00:58:42,003 --> 00:58:44,004 Sukiki! 719 00:58:45,003 --> 00:58:47,009 This is Sukiki, she's one of my favorites. 720 00:58:47,009 --> 00:58:50,009 I brought her over from China and therefore knows everything about acupuncture... 721 00:58:50,009 --> 00:58:56,009 Tai Chi, Algebra, Jihad, The Qur'an, the Kamasutra, Sexualism 722 00:58:56,009 --> 00:58:59,009 Lesbianism and all the culinary arts. 723 00:58:59,009 --> 00:59:02,009 Believe me, she can cure anything. 724 00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:21,000 Observe. 725 00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,000 I had a dream. 726 00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:00,007 I dreamt that Puerto Rico was a plate of buffet 727 01:00:00,007 --> 01:00:03,005 and that the roach wanted to eat from the plate. 728 01:00:03,005 --> 01:00:06,002 But the red farmer sprayed him with flee 729 01:00:06,002 --> 01:00:08,009 and the Nazi roach died. 730 01:00:08,009 --> 01:00:14,009 Then I saw the titties and the red farmer and I suckled on them. 731 01:00:16,008 --> 01:00:19,008 See? That's why she's one of my favorites. 732 01:00:19,008 --> 01:00:23,003 -He's cured! -Incredible! 733 01:00:23,009 --> 01:00:25,007 Perhaps you could help me. 734 01:00:25,007 --> 01:00:31,000 The thing is that I grow weed and I'm always mixing it with different substances but they keep dying. 735 01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:33,008 And what I want to achieve is 736 01:00:33,008 --> 01:00:37,001 is a new species, an hallucinogenic species. 737 01:00:37,001 --> 01:00:38,004 Unique. 738 01:00:38,004 --> 01:00:42,009 Weed is for faggots and tree huggers. 739 01:00:42,009 --> 01:00:45,009 Here. Try this. 740 01:01:26,005 --> 01:01:28,006 Wow... 741 01:01:28,006 --> 01:01:31,001 This is amazing! 742 01:01:31,001 --> 01:01:34,006 I told you. There's nothing like it. 743 01:01:34,006 --> 01:01:38,004 I will give you one seed to start with. But... 744 01:01:38,004 --> 01:01:43,008 this is for personal use only. No profit. If you do profit I want 20% cash. 745 01:01:45,005 --> 01:01:48,005 This is absurd! Can we go now? 746 01:01:49,002 --> 01:01:52,002 Uncle I wanted to ask you something, too. Um... 747 01:01:52,002 --> 01:01:55,002 What can I do to last longer? 748 01:01:55,008 --> 01:01:57,004 Last longer? 749 01:01:57,004 --> 01:01:59,000 Yeah, you know... 750 01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:00,007 prolong myself. 751 01:02:00,007 --> 01:02:03,007 Well, you can smoke some of that before. 752 01:02:03,007 --> 01:02:06,007 Uncle, isn't there a less narcotic option? 753 01:02:07,001 --> 01:02:09,000 Try a finger up the hole. 754 01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:12,000 -I don't know. -It works, trust me. 755 01:02:14,001 --> 01:02:17,008 Well, Mr. John, it's been a pleasure but we gotta go. 756 01:02:17,008 --> 01:02:19,005 Right? We're leaving? 757 01:02:19,005 --> 01:02:21,008 What's the hurry? 758 01:02:21,008 --> 01:02:24,004 You think I don't know what your problem is? 759 01:02:24,004 --> 01:02:27,008 I used to be a shy pussy, too. There's nothing to be ashamed of. 760 01:02:27,008 --> 01:02:29,009 I don't have a problem. 761 01:02:30,004 --> 01:02:33,001 He's in love. 762 01:02:33,001 --> 01:02:35,008 He's in love with a woman that has humiliated him twice, already. 763 01:02:35,008 --> 01:02:39,003 Humiliated!? Twice!? 764 01:02:41,007 --> 01:02:44,009 Idiot! No woman should ever humiliate a man! 765 01:02:44,009 --> 01:02:47,009 A woman's purpose is to serve a man not humiliate him! 766 01:02:47,009 --> 01:02:50,006 -But-- -But nothing! This is the scepter! 767 01:02:50,007 --> 01:02:52,008 Symbol of the king's power! 768 01:02:52,008 --> 01:02:57,005 The queen is decorative. She's there to serve and give birth not to humiliate. 769 01:02:57,005 --> 01:03:00,008 -She's full of herself. -A snob, right? 770 01:03:00,008 --> 01:03:03,005 -No she's not! -She is! 771 01:03:03,005 --> 01:03:06,005 Women like that make me sick! 772 01:03:07,007 --> 01:03:10,007 They don't treat me like that. 773 01:03:12,008 --> 01:03:15,008 Because I've discovered the solution. 774 01:03:15,008 --> 01:03:18,008 Really? What's the solution? 775 01:03:19,002 --> 01:03:21,002 Forget it! 776 01:03:22,003 --> 01:03:26,005 You're too young. Besides he doesn't have what it takes. 777 01:03:26,005 --> 01:03:30,002 Uncle, Gaby is a poor wretched soul. 778 01:03:30,002 --> 01:03:33,002 You were a poor wretched soul once but you found happiness. 779 01:03:33,002 --> 01:03:36,009 Don't deny this poor devil the chance to be happy too. 780 01:03:36,009 --> 01:03:39,009 Don't help me so much. 781 01:03:39,009 --> 01:03:44,000 Mr. John, I am a firm believer that we all have a purpose in this life. 782 01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:47,003 Perhaps yours is to pass on the scepter so your legacy may continue. 783 01:03:47,003 --> 01:03:52,004 So that your service in Vietnam was not in vain. 784 01:03:52,004 --> 01:03:57,005 So that the knowledge only you posses may not be lost once you are gone. 785 01:03:58,002 --> 01:04:03,003 Look at him. Look at him! Helping him would cost you nothing. 786 01:04:04,004 --> 01:04:07,004 Tell us your trick... 787 01:04:08,009 --> 01:04:11,007 Alright. But you have to promise one thing. 788 01:04:11,007 --> 01:04:13,004 Anything, uncle. 789 01:04:13,004 --> 01:04:16,009 -You never heard it from me. -Never heard it from you. 790 01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:20,008 -You'll never tell anyone. -We'll never tell a soul. 791 01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:25,006 Girls, leave us, please. 792 01:04:25,006 --> 01:04:28,006 I love you all equally. 793 01:04:34,003 --> 01:04:37,002 You need to look at life differently. 794 01:04:37,002 --> 01:04:40,008 All rebellious women have their weak spots. 795 01:04:40,008 --> 01:04:44,002 If you want to seduce a woman who is smug and proud 796 01:04:44,002 --> 01:04:47,009 you have to be a man. You have to have the balls to do it. 797 01:04:47,009 --> 01:04:49,008 Do what? 798 01:04:49,008 --> 01:04:52,002 You have to shit in her bed. 799 01:04:57,001 --> 01:04:59,008 What? 800 01:04:59,008 --> 01:05:01,009 Shit in her bed. 801 01:05:01,009 --> 01:05:06,003 -Are you serious? -Yes. Totally. 802 01:05:06,003 --> 01:05:11,000 You make love to her and when you're done you shit her bed. 803 01:05:11,007 --> 01:05:13,008 Never fails. 804 01:05:13,008 --> 01:05:16,009 That's disgusting! 805 01:05:17,005 --> 01:05:20,005 I knew it had to be something extreme. 806 01:05:21,002 --> 01:05:25,001 What do you mean "shit her bed"? I don't get it. 807 01:05:26,002 --> 01:05:30,000 It'll probably take you some time to fully understand it because you're still young. 808 01:05:30,005 --> 01:05:33,005 This is crazy! Mr. John, 809 01:05:33,005 --> 01:05:36,000 with all due respect 810 01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:39,003 that whole "taking a bio brake on a woman's bed" 811 01:05:39,003 --> 01:05:43,009 is humiliating, degrading and not to mention disgusting! 812 01:05:43,009 --> 01:05:45,005 Exactly! 813 01:05:45,005 --> 01:05:48,005 That's the idea. 814 01:05:48,005 --> 01:05:51,001 It's a psychological game. 815 01:05:51,001 --> 01:05:56,003 A proud and pretentious woman is a woman who thinks you don't deserve her. 816 01:05:56,003 --> 01:06:00,007 Therefore, taking a "bio break" in a woman's bed after making love 817 01:06:00,007 --> 01:06:06,002 is like investing in her psyche. She'll be angry, of course, and she'll hate you. 818 01:06:06,002 --> 01:06:09,006 But the trip from hate to love is a short one. 819 01:06:09,006 --> 01:06:12,006 And after two or three weeks she'll start saying things like 820 01:06:12,006 --> 01:06:16,004 "but, why did he do it? I don't want him to abandon me. I don't want him to ignore me." 821 01:06:17,005 --> 01:06:22,004 The poor thing will fall in love with you without even realizing it. She will become your sexual slave. 822 01:06:22,004 --> 01:06:25,007 She will forgive everything. Believe me. 823 01:06:26,003 --> 01:06:28,000 Incredible. 824 01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:31,000 How did you learn something so complex? 825 01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:34,000 The Chinese culture is filled with mysteries. 826 01:06:35,002 --> 01:06:39,005 Well, I'm gonna pretend I never heard all this madness, okay? 827 01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:43,000 It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. John. 828 01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:46,005 Remember! In order for it to work two things need to happen. 829 01:06:46,005 --> 01:06:49,009 You need to get to her bed and ignore her calls for three weeks. 830 01:06:49,009 --> 01:06:52,005 Do not answer her calls for anything! 831 01:06:52,005 --> 01:06:55,009 I will never do that to any woman! See ya! 832 01:06:56,002 --> 01:06:57,006 Uncle... 833 01:06:57,006 --> 01:06:59,005 does it really work? 834 01:06:59,005 --> 01:07:02,005 You have a better explanation for everything you see? 835 01:07:08,003 --> 01:07:13,004 Is it me or did we just meet the craziest guy on this island? 836 01:07:13,004 --> 01:07:16,000 Quite the contrary, I think he is a genius. 837 01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:19,000 Damn, man, that whole thing about shitting in someone's bed 838 01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:20,008 that wouldn't work for me 839 01:07:20,008 --> 01:07:23,009 -because when I go to the toilet what I leave is this hu-- -Shhhh! 840 01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:27,002 Chicho, we already know, okay? 841 01:07:27,005 --> 01:07:31,002 Look, that Uncle John may seem crazy 842 01:07:31,002 --> 01:07:34,002 but he has everything very well calculated. 843 01:07:34,002 --> 01:07:37,008 I bet that if the millionaire wife leaves him 844 01:07:37,008 --> 01:07:42,001 she would surely have to pay him the alimony. 845 01:07:42,001 --> 01:07:45,001 That is if he doesn't keep half of the fortune. 846 01:07:45,007 --> 01:07:50,002 And he has nine more women! 847 01:07:50,002 --> 01:07:53,006 That's what I call a solid life plan! 848 01:07:53,006 --> 01:07:55,007 I drink to that! 849 01:07:55,007 --> 01:08:00,009 To a solid life plan! 850 01:08:03,003 --> 01:08:06,003 I'm so wasted, dude. 851 01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:08,005 I know, man! 852 01:08:08,005 --> 01:08:11,005 Gaby, man you drive 'cause seriously... 853 01:08:18,004 --> 01:08:23,006 Hey, hey assholes. Give me your money or the car keys. 854 01:08:23,007 --> 01:08:27,000 What? Take this one. 855 01:08:27,004 --> 01:08:30,009 Don't get cute if you don't want me to pop you, you hear? 856 01:08:31,004 --> 01:08:33,003 Wait, wait! I got one, too! 857 01:08:33,003 --> 01:08:36,003 It's not about going shopping it's about carrying the bags! 858 01:08:37,001 --> 01:08:38,007 Wait, wait, wait. 859 01:08:38,007 --> 01:08:44,004 "Just because the dogs are under the car doesn't mean they're mechanics, dude." 860 01:08:44,004 --> 01:08:47,004 Shut your mouths our I'll pop you! The money! Hurry! 861 01:08:47,004 --> 01:08:48,008 Give me the money! Give me the money, man! 862 01:08:48,008 --> 01:08:50,002 Take it easy... 863 01:08:50,002 --> 01:08:53,002 Look, I have the money here. Take it... 864 01:08:53,002 --> 01:08:55,004 Don't shoot us. Don't shoot us, please. 865 01:08:55,004 --> 01:08:58,004 Dude, take the money but if you want the car... 866 01:08:58,004 --> 01:09:00,001 take this one. 867 01:09:00,001 --> 01:09:02,008 I'm the one in charge here, you hear me dumbass? 868 01:09:02,008 --> 01:09:06,003 And I'll take whatever I want. So shut up or I'll pop you all! 869 01:09:06,003 --> 01:09:08,003 Calm, calm, calm. 870 01:09:08,003 --> 01:09:10,009 You want opium, my friend? We can pay you with opium. 871 01:09:10,009 --> 01:09:12,006 I look like a junkie to you? 872 01:09:12,006 --> 01:09:14,004 Actually yeah, you do. 873 01:09:14,004 --> 01:09:17,000 I'll tell you something, fatty. You don't wanna mess with me. 874 01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:19,005 You don't know who you're messing with. So shut your mouth 875 01:09:19,006 --> 01:09:22,002 if you don't wanna wake up with lead in your mouth, you hear? 876 01:09:22,002 --> 01:09:26,009 Chicho, shut up 'cause the kid's nervous and he's gonna "pop" us. 877 01:09:26,009 --> 01:09:28,003 Nervous, my balls! 878 01:09:28,003 --> 01:09:30,007 I'm gonna pop the shit out of this pig! 879 01:09:30,007 --> 01:09:32,009 And hurry up and give me the keys 'cause I gotta go! 880 01:09:32,009 --> 01:09:34,009 -My friend-- -I'm not your friend! 881 01:09:34,009 --> 01:09:36,009 The money and the keys, coño! 882 01:09:36,009 --> 01:09:41,000 Don't you people know how to add? Four minus three equals the cangri! 883 01:09:42,001 --> 01:09:45,005 Evidently the reggueton music has marked his life considerably. 884 01:09:47,008 --> 01:09:51,000 What would uncle John do? 885 01:10:39,005 --> 01:10:42,005 That's enough! 886 01:10:42,009 --> 01:10:46,005 I am upset and I can't take it anymore! 887 01:10:47,004 --> 01:10:50,004 I am so so upset that I want to get even with you! 888 01:10:52,004 --> 01:10:57,004 So if i were you I would go home, now! 889 01:10:57,004 --> 01:11:00,004 You hear!? 890 01:11:00,004 --> 01:11:04,003 Gaby, you did what uncle John would do. 891 01:11:05,009 --> 01:11:08,009 Uncle John can suck my dick, too! 892 01:11:09,001 --> 01:11:12,001 So let's go! 893 01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:23,008 The kid has finally grown some balls. 894 01:12:51,002 --> 01:12:52,007 Recording. 895 01:12:52,007 --> 01:12:56,002 Well, I am taking control of my life. 896 01:12:56,002 --> 01:12:59,009 In truth? I feel much better. 897 01:12:59,009 --> 01:13:04,008 You can't always be the good guy. Sometimes in life you have to be rough. 898 01:13:04,008 --> 01:13:10,001 Amanda? Bah! I don't even think about her anymore. I don't care. 899 01:13:10,001 --> 01:13:11,006 She's not worth it. 900 01:13:11,006 --> 01:13:15,002 I am going to go seduce another woman. Or perhaps more. 901 01:13:16,007 --> 01:13:19,007 In fact someone will come to pick me up soon. 902 01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:24,003 They're here! 903 01:13:24,003 --> 01:13:27,003 I'm out. Keep you posted. 904 01:13:29,001 --> 01:13:32,009 Gaby! I'm in the bathroom! Go see who's downstairs! 905 01:13:33,006 --> 01:13:35,004 It's for me! 906 01:13:35,004 --> 01:13:38,004 And bring me toilet paper! 907 01:13:58,009 --> 01:14:02,003 Hello. Is RS in? 908 01:14:03,003 --> 01:14:06,003 Yeah... No... 909 01:14:08,008 --> 01:14:10,009 Who's asking? 910 01:14:10,009 --> 01:14:12,008 Amanda. 911 01:14:12,008 --> 01:14:15,008 RS! 912 01:14:16,009 --> 01:14:19,009 There's someone here for you! 913 01:14:23,009 --> 01:14:25,009 He's not in? 914 01:14:25,009 --> 01:14:29,005 Apparently not. Call him on his cel if you want. 915 01:14:29,005 --> 01:14:32,008 -I'm sorry, I have to go. -No! No, wait. 916 01:14:32,008 --> 01:14:35,002 Do I know you from somewhere? 917 01:14:35,002 --> 01:14:38,005 -I don't think so. -What's your name? 918 01:14:38,005 --> 01:14:40,004 Gabriel... 919 01:14:40,004 --> 01:14:43,000 Gabriel Fonalledas. 920 01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:45,004 Fonalledas? 921 01:14:45,004 --> 01:14:48,007 At your service. Good afternoon. 922 01:15:10,004 --> 01:15:13,006 Hello there, sweetheart. Looking for someone? 923 01:15:13,006 --> 01:15:16,009 Yeah, but I found him. 924 01:15:16,009 --> 01:15:19,009 Could you do me a favor? 925 01:15:19,009 --> 01:15:22,006 -I think you could do me the favor. -I'm sorry? 926 01:15:22,006 --> 01:15:26,008 Eh, nothing. Tell me. What's up? What do you need? 927 01:15:27,009 --> 01:15:31,000 What does Gabriel Fonalledas do for a living? 928 01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:33,003 Gabriel? 929 01:15:33,003 --> 01:15:36,003 Oh, Gabriel! 930 01:15:36,003 --> 01:15:38,005 Who's Gabriel? 931 01:15:38,005 --> 01:15:42,005 Gabriel is a famous director, very important here in Puerto Rico. 932 01:15:42,005 --> 01:15:45,008 He only works with the best. 933 01:15:45,008 --> 01:15:48,007 Anything else? 934 01:15:48,007 --> 01:15:51,005 Director? Not bad. 935 01:15:51,005 --> 01:15:54,009 -Could you give me his number? -Of course. 936 01:15:54,009 --> 01:15:57,009 Next week I will be meeting up Steven Spielberg. 937 01:15:58,008 --> 01:16:01,000 -Give me a second. -Yes, yes. 938 01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:03,004 -Hello? -Dude! 939 01:16:03,004 --> 01:16:05,007 You'll never guess what just happened. 940 01:16:05,007 --> 01:16:09,000 No, I won't. Tell me. 941 01:16:09,000 --> 01:16:12,000 Amanda just asked me for your number! 942 01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:15,008 Oh, yeah? Seriously? Why? 943 01:16:15,008 --> 01:16:18,004 She was intrigued by you! 944 01:16:18,004 --> 01:16:21,001 Dude, like she didn't know you! 945 01:16:21,001 --> 01:16:23,009 I think she really didn't recognize me. 946 01:16:23,009 --> 01:16:25,007 Well that's for the best. 947 01:16:25,007 --> 01:16:28,007 -What? -Man, that helps you! 948 01:16:28,007 --> 01:16:31,009 I told her you were a famous filmmaker. 949 01:16:31,009 --> 01:16:35,007 Without a doubt, any minute now she's gonna give you a call. 950 01:16:35,007 --> 01:16:38,002 -You think? -Of course! 951 01:16:42,007 --> 01:16:45,001 Chicho give me a second I have a call on the other line. 952 01:16:45,001 --> 01:16:47,001 Alright, alright. 953 01:16:49,008 --> 01:16:52,003 -Good afternoon? -Gabriel? 954 01:16:52,003 --> 01:16:54,009 -Yes. -It's Amanda. 955 01:16:54,009 --> 01:16:57,009 -Yeah I know. -I'm sorry? 956 01:16:58,005 --> 01:17:01,000 Wha-- wh-- Which Amanda? 957 01:17:01,000 --> 01:17:05,000 I'm RS's friend. I met you this morning at the summer house. 958 01:17:05,004 --> 01:17:08,000 Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. 959 01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:12,001 It's just that we didn't have time to talk much. 960 01:17:12,001 --> 01:17:15,004 I was just in a hurry. 961 01:17:16,001 --> 01:17:22,002 I can imagine. A filmmaker as renowned as yourself must be very busy. 962 01:17:22,002 --> 01:17:24,006 Filmmaker? 963 01:17:24,006 --> 01:17:27,000 Yes, well, of course. 964 01:17:27,000 --> 01:17:31,007 You know, I'm a model and an actress. 965 01:17:31,007 --> 01:17:35,006 Oh, yeah? That's nice, I didn't know. 966 01:17:35,006 --> 01:17:41,000 Would you like to go get some coffee? I mean, if you're not too busy. 967 01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:45,005 Okay. That sounds good. 968 01:17:45,005 --> 01:17:48,007 Tomorrow at three? 969 01:17:48,007 --> 01:17:52,000 -Yes, that works. -Perfect. 970 01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:54,003 Then I'll pick you up. 971 01:17:54,003 --> 01:17:56,002 Super. 972 01:17:56,002 --> 01:17:58,001 See you tomorrow. 973 01:17:58,001 --> 01:18:00,001 Sure. 974 01:18:01,005 --> 01:18:06,000 See? My path to Hollywood is becoming shorter every day. 975 01:18:06,000 --> 01:18:10,006 Hollywood? With that idiot face of his? I've never even heard of him. 976 01:18:10,006 --> 01:18:13,008 Oh, come on, hello? All directors have idiot faces. 977 01:18:13,008 --> 01:18:15,006 Haven't you ever seen Tarantino? 978 01:18:15,006 --> 01:18:18,000 But I don't care. I could see his style. 979 01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:21,000 He's sophisticated and very professional. 980 01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:25,002 But I don't know. His face does seem familiar, though. 981 01:18:29,004 --> 01:18:34,000 Finally! Tomorrow I will meet my diva. 982 01:18:35,002 --> 01:18:38,005 -I love her! -I don't know what you see in her. She's a bitch. 983 01:18:38,005 --> 01:18:40,006 And an opportunist. 984 01:18:40,006 --> 01:18:44,006 I don't know what it is but she drives me crazy. 985 01:18:44,007 --> 01:18:49,000 You're gonna be disappointed in the end. Write that down. 986 01:19:01,001 --> 01:19:04,001 Chicho! 987 01:19:04,006 --> 01:19:08,002 You fat fuck! Wake up! 988 01:19:10,009 --> 01:19:13,008 Chicho! 989 01:19:15,005 --> 01:19:18,007 Chicho open the door! 990 01:19:23,006 --> 01:19:26,000 The fuck is that!? 991 01:19:29,000 --> 01:19:32,000 Chicho! 992 01:19:34,003 --> 01:19:37,003 -Chicho! -Oh, damn! The popola! 993 01:19:41,006 --> 01:19:45,009 Look here, faggy. Go get that fat friend of yours 994 01:19:45,009 --> 01:19:50,009 and tell him his woman is here and that I'm pregnant, you hear me? 995 01:19:50,009 --> 01:19:55,001 Tell him to get up! 996 01:19:57,000 --> 01:20:03,001 Hey, sweetcake! Your girl's out there and she's fucking crazy! 997 01:20:05,003 --> 01:20:08,004 Dude, get up. Your friend is out there. 998 01:20:08,004 --> 01:20:11,004 What the fuck is wrong with that bitch? 999 01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:14,007 She says she's pregnant. 1000 01:20:14,007 --> 01:20:19,006 Oh, for the love of God! Please, I can't impregnate. Ignore her, she's drunk. 1001 01:20:19,006 --> 01:20:22,004 What you're gonna do is get up! She's out there! 1002 01:20:22,004 --> 01:20:25,004 Ignore her. Forget about it, man! I'm not going out there so go to sleep. 1003 01:20:25,004 --> 01:20:27,009 She's gonna be screaming all night! 1004 01:20:27,009 --> 01:20:30,008 -You're gonna have to do something! -Tell her I left with Ivy Queen. 1005 01:20:30,008 --> 01:20:33,008 That'll piss her off. Tell her I went like this... 1006 01:20:35,005 --> 01:20:39,009 Chicho! 1007 01:20:52,003 --> 01:20:54,000 Oh... 1008 01:20:54,000 --> 01:20:56,000 Fatal Attraction. 1009 01:20:56,001 --> 01:20:59,000 Yeah, man. 1010 01:21:03,005 --> 01:21:06,006 Relax. This bait will work, you'll see. 1011 01:21:07,003 --> 01:21:11,004 We've been here two hours. The only thing we're gonna catch is insulation. 1012 01:21:12,007 --> 01:21:14,004 And quite the high... 1013 01:21:15,002 --> 01:21:18,005 Hey, you think Gaby's changed too much? 1014 01:21:19,005 --> 01:21:20,009 Quite. 1015 01:21:20,009 --> 01:21:24,006 Gaby's been like when a little boy's balls drop for the first time. 1016 01:21:25,001 --> 01:21:26,008 What? 1017 01:21:26,008 --> 01:21:29,000 You know. 1018 01:21:29,000 --> 01:21:32,002 When you're a baby you have your balls like up here, in the garage. 1019 01:21:33,002 --> 01:21:35,008 I don't know what the scientific term is, exactly but 1020 01:21:35,008 --> 01:21:38,008 as you grow up they... 1021 01:21:38,008 --> 01:21:41,008 they go down. 1022 01:21:42,002 --> 01:21:45,000 Gaby's balls are lowering right now. 1023 01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:48,003 -So, what you're saying is that Gaby's maturing? -Yes. 1024 01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:51,007 He can't be a pussy for the rest of his life. 1025 01:21:51,007 --> 01:21:54,009 Seems he got tired of being picked on all the time. 1026 01:21:54,009 --> 01:21:57,002 It's possible. 1027 01:21:57,002 --> 01:21:59,005 Man, we're not gonna catch anything here. 1028 01:21:59,005 --> 01:22:03,005 Fuck it. Summer's almost over and I'm not leaving here 1029 01:22:03,005 --> 01:22:05,007 until I catch a mermaid. 1030 01:22:10,007 --> 01:22:12,009 This is bad... 1031 01:22:38,006 --> 01:22:41,004 Aha! You've been ignoring me! 1032 01:22:41,004 --> 01:22:44,000 -Wait, come by later-- -No, no, no, not later. 1033 01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:45,006 You and I are going to talk now! 1034 01:22:45,006 --> 01:22:49,006 -You knock me up and now you're ignoring me!? -That's not possible! I can't knock up! 1035 01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:52,006 -What do you mean you can't knock up? The Holy Spirit didn't do it! -Gaby! 1036 01:22:52,006 --> 01:22:55,002 Well then start looking elsewhere because I can't knock up! 1037 01:22:58,005 --> 01:23:00,006 Gaby! 1038 01:23:00,006 --> 01:23:03,006 You're an insect! 1039 01:23:27,000 --> 01:23:31,005 Tell me about your projects. What's your next movie about? 1040 01:23:31,005 --> 01:23:34,005 Well, I'm still writing it. 1041 01:23:34,009 --> 01:23:36,009 That's nice. You know... 1042 01:23:36,009 --> 01:23:40,002 I've never had the opportunity to star in a movie. 1043 01:23:40,002 --> 01:23:42,004 Of course, I still haven't been discovered. 1044 01:23:42,004 --> 01:23:45,004 Well, I would love it if you starred in mine. 1045 01:23:45,004 --> 01:23:47,007 -Really? -Really. 1046 01:23:47,007 --> 01:23:51,003 But, I don't know. I wouldn't want to take advantage of our friendship. 1047 01:23:51,003 --> 01:23:55,008 No, no, no, not at all. I'd really love it. 1048 01:23:55,008 --> 01:23:58,008 I think you'd be perfect. 1049 01:24:12,009 --> 01:24:17,005 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disrespect you. I just got carried away. 1050 01:24:18,005 --> 01:24:21,001 I've wanted that for a long time. 1051 01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:25,008 What? But we just met. 1052 01:24:28,007 --> 01:24:32,008 Amanda, I have a confession to make. 1053 01:24:37,007 --> 01:24:39,008 We've already met. 1054 01:24:39,008 --> 01:24:41,005 What? 1055 01:24:41,005 --> 01:24:45,009 Yeah well I'm Gaby, remember? 1056 01:24:47,009 --> 01:24:50,009 "I'll go down the well even if it smells"? 1057 01:24:53,000 --> 01:24:56,006 I see. I knew you looked familiar. 1058 01:24:57,003 --> 01:25:00,003 Please forgive me. 1059 01:25:00,003 --> 01:25:02,008 So you're an actor, too! 1060 01:25:02,008 --> 01:25:06,008 And you've been offering me starring roles in your movies and everything! 1061 01:25:07,006 --> 01:25:09,009 I don't know what to say. I feel so stupid! 1062 01:25:09,009 --> 01:25:11,009 Don't you get it? 1063 01:25:11,009 --> 01:25:14,003 I'm in love with you. 1064 01:25:14,003 --> 01:25:17,002 I've been in love with you for a long time. 1065 01:25:17,003 --> 01:25:20,007 I just didn't have the guts to say it. 1066 01:25:20,007 --> 01:25:22,008 Then why did you act like an idiot? 1067 01:25:22,008 --> 01:25:25,003 It was all a mistake. I screwed up, I know. 1068 01:25:25,003 --> 01:25:29,005 But I want to start over. I want us to get to know each other. 1069 01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:33,000 And I'm so dense I believed everything you told me! 1070 01:25:33,000 --> 01:25:36,004 I don't know what to say. I feel so used. 1071 01:25:36,004 --> 01:25:38,001 Don't say that! 1072 01:25:38,001 --> 01:25:42,002 I really do think you have talent. And I really do want you to star in my movie. 1073 01:25:42,006 --> 01:25:45,002 In fact I've met Steven Spielberg. 1074 01:25:45,008 --> 01:25:49,007 -Seriously!? -Yeah! I have the picture here, look. 1075 01:26:12,005 --> 01:26:14,002 Should we go? 1076 01:26:14,003 --> 01:26:17,002 You go. Enjoy. 1077 01:26:36,003 --> 01:26:38,004 I'm intrigued. 1078 01:26:38,004 --> 01:26:41,004 What do you do to make your bodies look so... 1079 01:26:41,004 --> 01:26:43,005 fuckable? 1080 01:27:08,004 --> 01:27:11,004 This shit's gonna make me a millionaire! 1081 01:27:12,008 --> 01:27:16,000 Come swim with me. 1082 01:27:16,000 --> 01:27:18,003 You have clothes down there? 1083 01:27:18,003 --> 01:27:21,003 We mermaids don't wear clothes. 1084 01:27:23,004 --> 01:27:26,007 Nah, I don't believe you're a mermaid. 1085 01:27:27,001 --> 01:27:28,006 Don't believe me, then. 1086 01:27:28,006 --> 01:27:30,003 Fine, I won't believe you. 1087 01:27:30,003 --> 01:27:32,002 Come and make sure. 1088 01:27:33,004 --> 01:27:35,003 Let's go! 1089 01:27:39,002 --> 01:27:42,002 Wait for me! 1090 01:27:46,000 --> 01:27:47,008 Wait for me! 1091 01:27:50,004 --> 01:27:52,003 Wait for me! 1092 01:28:06,004 --> 01:28:09,008 Take off your clothes while I slip into something more comfortable. 1093 01:28:48,008 --> 01:28:53,001 You better enjoy it because this is a one time thing. 1094 01:28:53,001 --> 01:28:56,007 I mean, business is business. 1095 01:28:57,005 --> 01:29:02,001 And I have to make sure that you'll give me the leading role in your movie. 1096 01:29:02,001 --> 01:29:06,004 Maybe for you this is important because you're in love. 1097 01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:09,004 But you're not my only suitor. 1098 01:29:10,002 --> 01:29:13,005 Nor are you the first director I sleep with. 1099 01:29:13,005 --> 01:29:17,008 So enjoy it while it lasts. 1100 01:30:05,008 --> 01:30:08,008 Gabriel! 1101 01:30:25,009 --> 01:30:29,000 Man, this bitch gonna keep calling? 1102 01:30:29,008 --> 01:30:32,008 What did you do to her? 1103 01:31:01,005 --> 01:31:03,009 One week later... 1104 01:31:12,006 --> 01:31:14,009 Two week later... 1105 01:31:17,001 --> 01:31:18,007 I hate you. 1106 01:31:19,004 --> 01:31:21,007 Three weeks later... 1107 01:31:26,003 --> 01:31:31,001 I love you.